#it sucks!!!! but such is what it means to be a grey warden!!!!!

[hiddenbeks]

i've been thinking about what andrale and celyn are doing and whether they're even alive during veilguard and i think i've finally figured it out.. i don't think andrale would leave to seek a cure for the taint. she struggled against her fate for so long and was incredibly bitter about being conscripted but eventually made peace with it. she cheated death once thanks to morrigan but knows her days are numbered nevertheless and decides to value whatever time the ritual gave her. after the events of awakening she remains the warden-commander but since the blight is over she isn't needed on active duty. so she often leaves vigil's keep to travel or to stay with her clan or whatever but always comes back to ensure the wardens are well and to help train recruits and all that. leaving everyone and everything behind to go on an expedition in the far west searching for a cure that may or may not exist would go against all her development i think. when her calling comes she will go peacefully knowing she lived a meaningful life and made the most of what time she had :) i think she will be somewhat relieved as well. even though she learns to enjoy life again she will always carry the horrors of the blight with her and it will never be the same and she would never be the same even if she was cured. she is a warden and a warden's end is the only end for her!

celyn on the other hand. she is never satisfied she always wants more. she's very eager to join the wardens despite andrale's warnings that the joining could be fatal and that even if she survives being a warden is essentially a slow death. celyn is like yea whatever it beats going back to the circle so she chugs the darkspawn blood, survives, and joins the wardens. at some point andrale assigns celyn to assist avernus with his research and has her take over after avernus passes away. the reality of being a grey warden soon hits celyn and she reallyyyyy doesn't want to die an early death after finally getting out of the circle. so she pores over avernus' writings and figures out how to slow the decay of her body with blood magic the way he had. but it's not enough because even avernus succumbed to the taint eventally. and celyn doesn't want that for herself. where andrale is focused on what is celyn is more interested in what could be... and the taint could be cured maybe... so celyn is the one who decides to take things even further. she is determined to prolong her lifespan by any means and willing to risk everything for the chance to permanently cure the taint!!

[emmg]

I want Blackwall, against all logic, fate, and the general laws of sanity, to become Solas's unexpected bestie in Veilguard—like some twisted, medieval version of a buddy-cop drama where one’s a guilt-ridden ex-wannabe-warden and the other’s an elven god with a messiah complex. Because lying liars gotta stick together.

Blackwall: “Now, what was he supposed to do? Just waltz into the Inquisition camp and be like, ‘Hey guys, fun fact: I’m an elven god, also sorry about that whole ‘end of the world’ plan in the works.’ Yeah, sure, that’d go over well.”

Solas: nodding sagely “Exactly.”

Blackwall: “I mean, think about it—he’s got centuries of baggage. That’s a lot to unpack. It’s not like he could have just put it in his Tinder bio. ‘Likes long walks in the Fade, dismantling the Veil, and reclaiming lost elven glory.’ No one’s swiping right on that.”

Solas: frowning thoughtfully “It’s been a lonely existence.”

Blackwall: “See? Exactly. He’s lonely. Who hasn’t thought about ripping apart reality when they’re having a bad day? People are so quick to judge, but they don’t know the context.”

Solas: tragic sigh “The weight of leadership is often misunderstood.”

Blackwall: “Right? It’s like me with the Grey Wardens—except, y’know, with fewer existential threats to the universe and slightly less divine ego. But still, I get it. You don’t just walk up and say, ‘Hey, I might have kinda sorta lied about everything. Also, I’m basically the reason your world sucks now. My bad.’ That’s social suicide. I mean, you’d never get invited to another tavern crawl. Ever.”

Solas: nodding gravely “Precisely. That, and... I am not one to ‘buy rounds.’”

Blackwall: “See, that’s the real issue here. It’s not that Solas wanted to tear down the Veil—no, no. It’s that the man can’t even be bothered to cover a single round at the bar. That’s the true crime. And, well, I guess he has no money.”

Solas: solemnly “I have no need for such trivialities.”

Blackwall: “Of course not, because you’re a god, right? But try explaining that to your drinking buddies. ‘Oh no, I’m too divine to pay for ale,’ like that’s going to fly. Honestly, Solas, this whole end-of-the-world thing? Just bad PR. You should’ve led with the ‘I’m mysterious, brooding, and burdened with ancient knowledge’ angle. Chicks dig that.”

[arrenkae]

The main problem with not importing previous choices into Veilguard is not even having no references specifically to our characters - it sucks, but I can deal with that. Technically, yes, it is perfectly plausible that they don't get brought up. It's been many years. Varric already told Rook everything about Hawke. Morrigan is a private person. That's fine. Leave their eventual fate to our headcanons.

The main problem is all the other events, *important* events that now can't be brought up and have to be side stepped around because there are too many variables that could be potentially changed by our choices. We are having a mega-blight! What could be a better time than to bring up the history of the fifth blight and how it ended? Just a few lines. Mention our Warden's origin, tell us how the history remembers them now. Honestly, this alone would be enough to make any Origins fan tear up a bit.

But nooope. We can't do that. Not when we don't even know the Warden's race, gender, whether they survived the archdemon or not. Come to think of it, wouldn't it be a BIG FUCKING DEAL if our Warden survived killing the archdemon? This story is recent and well-known enough, especially among the Grey Wardens. We are fighthing archdemons now. Morrigan WAS THERE. Surely SOMEONE would remember this and think about bringing this up? Right??

And we had so many characters "heading to Weisshaupt" in Inquisition and then... nothing. Yes, at this point both Loghain and Alistair could plausibly be dead already. But this means they didn't even have to bring them back! Just show us a small memorial as we're running through Weisshaupt. Give us a couple of lines about them being there. Show us our Warden's grave if they died against the archdemon. I saw so many people getting emotional over seeing the chalice from Ostagar - can you imagine how much of an impact *this* would make?

...tbh, I am fully convinced that SOMETHING happened in the development cycle that made importing more choices impossible, and then bioware had to work around that. I don't think that it was a deliberate writing choice, despite the weird excuses we saw from the writers. This created a lot more problems than it solved.

[cadaveerie]

Are Alistair and the Warden alive? Will they be alive in The Veilguard? And how old are they?

This post with stunning older Alistair art inspired me to search a little about something. Along their art, OP asked the following:

"Is your Alistair still alive in Veilguard? I still don't know about mine. Grey Warden's have a 30 year span, give or take. There is a possibility he is still kicking, but probably close to the end."

And I wanted to know for sure. Since Alistair is one of the few companions that we have an exact date (year) of birth of (9:10), and we also happen to know when Duncan recruited him (9:29), this makes it possible to know Alistair's exact age and how close to the calling he is (if alive).

As op said, Grey Wardens have about 30 years after their joining until they get the calling. Doing some research (aka reading the wiki), I found a not so fun fact! There's this old interview with David Gaider in which he speaks of it:

DG: It's something I put in Alistair's dialogue that I now regret! Afterwards I was like, "Wow, thirty years is a long time for that time frame." I didn't really intend when I was writing it, and only afterwards when I went back I said "Oh...I guess it does sort of implies thirty years after you take the Calling, doesn't it..." Sorry, after you take the Joining. That wasn't really my intention. But it's out there now so I'm like, okay, thirty years. But the idea is also that it varies. Thirty years is the maximum that you could probably expect. It's going to vary for an individual according to their willpower and the level of their interaction with the darkspawn.During a Blight you can expect that the Grey Wardens are going to have shorter lifespans. Outside of a Blight the Grey Wardens would tend to live longer. We have instances in the game of people going on their Calling after five or ten years. Alistair's thirty year quote shouldn't be taken as gospel, that's the way I like it.

So basically... Most people probably don't make it those 30 years. And if there's a blight, the life expectancy is even less.

Here's the math: Alistair joined the Grey Wardens at 19 (9:29), and was born in 9:10. The events of DATV start at 9:54 (10 years after Inquisition), which means... At the moment that The Veilguard begins, Alistair will be 44 years old (if alive), and it will have been 25 years since he did the joining. This means that he's, AT MOST, 5 years away from the calling (which btw, is 6 years for the Hero of Ferelden, if they're alive).

But there's another thing to consider, and that is... both the warden and Alistair fought a Blight, which as David Gaider said, makes their lifespans even shorter.

My hope is that since the Blight only lasted one year or less (which is not much considering how much other Blights lasted. Like, the first one lasted almost 200 years), this will reflect in his lifespan and will give both him and the warden more years to live. And technically speaking, I'd expect that the fact King Alistair is not adventuring to the Deep Roads (presumably?), he shouldn't have been close to darkspawn after he was crowned... Sooo, if the writers were to take that into consideration, it'd make sense that he lives longer than other wardens that might visit the deep roads. But perhaps this is just wishful thinking on my part, lol.

Having said all of this, please keep in mind this is all speculation. Perhaps what David Gaider said has been retconned to some extent since at least 2012 (January 14, 2012).

For all we know Alistair might have already died, for this or other reasons, and perhaps the Warden as well (which... would kinda suck I guess, but I suppose I wouldn't be that surprised). Although I admit that the fact that the Warden was looking for a cure in DAI gives me some hope. Perhaps in the 10 years between the end of Inquisition and the beginning of DATV the Warden has already found a cure? Perhaps they find it at some point during DATV, very last minute to prevent their deaths? Everything is possible. Even if I get the impression that the writers don't seem very interested in the Warden having more importance in the games... Since The Grey Wardens have made a comeback, it'd make sense to know about this if it happens! I have hope hahaha.

[eff-plays]

Why did Veilguard give Rook so much outright forced backstory that clashes with everything else we are given for a start as a player? White woman elf Veiljumper who just has vallaslin for aesthetics regardless of what you think about it, galley slave Lord of Fortune Rook, Mourn Watcher supposedly being found in the tomb and then suddenly adopted off the streets, Shadow Dragon being specifically found on the battlefield.

Is it because qunari are a playable race and we need to twist everything into a pretzel to make shit like qunari (actually vashoth, but whatever, game doesn't care and I don't either) Veil Jumper something that doesn't want you to immediately go "get this unlore shit off my face"?

When I start to think about it, it truly could be qunari as one of the parts of this mess. None of them gel even remotely well with most written backstories and most factions would logically not accept a qunari lore-wise. They only fit as LoFs, Shadow Dragons and maybe, maybe as Grey Wardens.

The qunari were always going to be included as a playable race, ever since Inquisition, and it makes sense to me since each game builds upon the last. It would suck if they pulled another DA2 and locked you into playing a human the entire time. Besides, the dwarves can't even be mages, so half the factions accepting them makes even less sense than accepting qunari.

What's really to blame for the factions sucking ass is the multiplayer "live service" the game was initially designed to be. Every faction needs to be some flavor of good guy because every player needs to feel like they're contributing to the overall fight, while rivalries and "bad" factions would only complicate the story, and BioWare weren't gonna make this into a PVP experience afaik. And since we're designing this as a live service, restrictions based on lore like in Origins don't make sense. This isn't a role playing game, this is a live service, where every player should be able to create their own unique character and join whichever faction they want.

A lot of people have also said that it would've helped to restrict factions based on race and class, and while I agree with the sentiment, the factions would've needed to be designed this way from the go in order to actually work, which they weren't. Sure, it would make more sense for US that a human warrior can't be a Veil Jumper, but does a mage elf Veil Jumper have different personal backgrounds, voice lines, and interactions with the Veil Jumpers? Enough to justify locking that faction down to just that race and class? Not really. All the hard work of writing and voicing the in-game content is already based on the live service model, so locking everything down according to lore wouldn't help much, but it would limit "player freedom", and on the surface, that's far more important than in-universe consistency. I mean, you already have the voice lines, and none of the NPCs call you a weirdo for being a human Veil Jumper, so might as well right?

I also assume that the faction descriptions were written some time after the voice lines were recorded, rather than the other way around. I have no idea why they changed the Mourn Watch description, either. I would guess they recorded the orphan picked off the streets line, then realized "why would the Mourn Watch take in an orphan and why would they raise it if they found one?" and rewrote the description to say Rook was found as a baby in a crypt, which places them directly in the Mourn Watch's care and could be reasonably read as a mysterious sign that would convince enough of them to keep the crypt baby. Then they either forgot or thought the voice line was close enough, or they had nothing to put there in its place, so they just left it in.

It's a higgledy-piggledy hodgepodge mess cobbled together according to the whims of an uncaring publisher. I feel bad for the devs the more I look at it.

[secret-smut-sideblog]

The Mockingbird

Lavellan x Blackwall

PG-13 - morning after contraception, betrayal, (medical) shock, terror, animal abuse, child death, violence, out of body experience, eye trauma, seizure, catatonic state, loss of vision

Chasing after the trail of her runaway love, Vella is forced to see his crimes firsthand...

Masterlist, Prev Chapter

-

Vella trotted down to the gardens. Head swimming with anxiety.

She didn't have time for this, but it wasn't optional.

"Ah, there you are." Morrigan appraised her.

"I'm sorry, we can't have a full chat yet. I need a favor."

"Oh?"

"Could you make me a witherstalk potion? Quickly?"

"I could..." She tilted her head at Vella. "But, you're bedding the Grey Warden...?"

Vella stared at her. Lost to the question.

"Did he... insinuate that you needed it?"

"Yes, why? Wait, what am I missing?"

"A Warden of his years shouldn't be able to sire children. I can still make that potion, if it gives you peace of mind."

"Yes, please." Vella sighed. "Maybe it's silly, but..."

"Oh, I understand. Does one no good to take chances." Morrigan beckoned her forward.

-

"This Mornay, any of us know him? Or of him?" Bull offered.

"Nah, but Beardy clearly does. Hope he's alright."

"Sera, you get softer by the day." Dorian praised. "But I have heard of Rainier. Mean figure he's alleged to cut, that one."

"Wait, so have I." Vella recalled, nearly pausing the fast clip of her stride. The chatter of Val Royeaux echoed in front of them. "A note, what feels like forever ago, in the Exalted Plains. He was a captain, if I recall correctly?"

"Orlesian army, yes. Let's hope he's not involved."

They moved into the crowd at the gallows. Vella searched but saw no sign of him in those gathered.

Anxiety hot in her belly. Unable to stop thinking of his note.

There is little I can say that will ease this pain. Just know that while it hurt to leave, it would've hurt more if I stayed. I will always love you, dove. I am deeply sorry.

As the bailiff read off the crimes and punishment, Vella stared at the man with a noose laced around his throat. The fight completely gone from him. Accepting his fate with a mournful stare. Not even giving last words, lost to the certainty of death.

Vella sucked in a breath, preparing to watch a man die.

"Stop!"

Blackwall stormed on the gallows, commanding in his thundering voice. Proclaiming the man's innocence, challenging the conviction.

"Oh, what have you gotten yourself into, big man?" Bull sighed.

Vella stared up at him. Fear tight in her gut.

"Then find me the man who gave the order." The bailiff stepped forward, staring him down.

Blackwall's silence fell like freezing rain as he turned to the crowd.

"No..." Vella breathed as her stomach dropped through the earth. "Blackwall!"

His eyes found hers. Shock, fear, then cold conviction. All warmth lost.

"No, I am not Blackwall. I never was Blackwall."

Her ears rang with fast blood.

And still he confessed. That he had ordered the massacre. That he had been hiding behind a dead man's likeness. That he had been living a lie.

"I gave the order. The crime is mine. I am Thom Rainier."

Her blood ran ice.

His eyes stayed steady on her, even as the executioner and bailiff drew forward. Only breaking from her stare as he stalked away towards the prison.

Vella nearly fell to knees.

The world slid away beneath her.

A landslide ripped it all from under her feet.

"Vella...?" Dorian's eyes took up her shaky vision.

"I don't..." She breathed. Raising her hand to stare at the tremoring limb. The cold of shock left her mind sluggish. "I..."

"Bull?"

"Here, boss. Lean on me."

His large hand took up behind her shoulder, sliding her close. Vella turned her face into him, trembling uncontrolled. Letting his arms envelop her for a warm moment. Pulling away a little less delirious.

"I need to see him." She shuddered.

"Let's go, then." Sera nodded. Her voice thick behind the knot in her throat. "You better give whatever-his-name-is a piece of your mind. Shit ass."

-

Vella descended down the stairs. Her footstep silent, wearing the boots he made her.

How?

Passing cages of iron. Reality bending around her. The question circling her like a hungry hound.

How?

After all this time. He was one of them.

How?

The home of him had flooded. A place she felt such warmth she now drowned in cold waters.

When she saw him slouched in a cell, she froze. He stayed doubled over on his forearms. Refusing her.

They stood on a razor edged silence.

"I don't understand." Her heart rabbited against her chest. "I can't..."

He kept his eyes to the ground.

She came to kneel at the bars, searching his face. Searching for him.

There must be something.

"Please, get up." He growled.

Her eyes stayed on him. Seeking a change. Anything. Anything to prove that he was a different man. Desperate to separate the man she knew from the one sat before her.

"It can't be true. I would've seen it. I would've..."

Shock filled her limbs again.

Memory flooded her. All of his evasion. All of the vague responses.

It was right there. He was her blindspot.

How could she be blind to him?

"It is." His eyes finally met hers. Glaring ice into her. Standing and charging towards the bars. Shouting with the full of his chest. "This is what I am! You aren't supposed to be here! Leave!"

She backpedaled from the bars. Falling back onto her palm. An angry man bearing down on her again.

An old fear woven inside of her shock.

No, not shock.

A hand made of lightning grasped the base of her skull. Forcing her eyes wide open. Risen high onto knees.

A song of Mockingbird. A dog strung up by the throat. A mother's arm shielding. The slam of an axe into wood. The scream of a dog. The scream of a child. Her own scream, far away. Far under her.

Her voice begging. A father begging. Begging for them to stop. For it to stop. His hand reaches for a blade. Her hand. Someone shouts for her. For them to run. Seeing her hand underneath her. Don't they understand? The dog won't stop kicking. The child begs to not see.

Her hand fights her as it lifts the blade. The father's blade is kicked away. And still the child screams. Horses panicked. Trying to break loose. She forces her hand up. Eyes wide open but not seeing the blade. Someone is shouting again. Someone so familiar. It won't stop.

"Please, make it stop." She breathes. Blood trickles from her nose. Blood dark on the snow. Blood scratched into fence. A deep sting scratches under her eye.

"Vella, NO!"

Someone grabs her wrist. Knocking the blade from her hand. Chestnut eyes fill her vision.

Her mind comes to it's boiling point. Fever sends her eyes up into her skull. Feeling the first tremors wracking her body as it all goes dark.

-

"She was trying to blind herself."

Cullen's shaken voice.

She spins inside her body. A hand presses a cool rag to her forehead.

"You did well to arrive when you did." Solas' calm voice.

"Please, don't leave her alone." Cullen urged. His hand comes to her chest. Pressing a warm palm. "She... she helped me. When I was weak. I can't... I'll kill him, I swear..."

"We shall tend her." Morrigan's voice reassures.

Cullen's warm palm stays. She reaches for it. A tether. It pulls away again.

"Where are you?" Solas whispers in her ear.

"Apostate, keep reaching for her. She may find her way back."

A cool hand cups her cheek. She tries to focus. Forcing the touch to a narrow point. A rope she follows.

"Yes." Solas speaks in her tongue. "You are right here. Can you find me?"

She follows it up. Filling into her limbs again.

Her hand reaches out for him. Meeting the curve of his fingers. Her eyes slowly focus.

"Lethallin...?" She croaked. Solas' eyes creased with a smile.

"Welcome back."

She blinked at the low candlelight. Vision obstructed over an eye.

"What...?" She rose on an elbow. Gingerly touching the bandage.

"Gentle. You gave yourself a deep gouge." Solas led her fingers away.

"Quite a scare you've given." Morrigan sat on her opposite bedside.

"Yes. We were all concerned. You had been lost all night." Solas cupped her hand in her lap.

"Blackwall!" She gasped, sitting up sharply. Immediately dizzy.

"Careful. Rainier is safe." Solas assured.

"Rainier..." Her heart deflated in her chest. "Oh..."

"Josephine has sent for him. You were calling for him in your sleep, well, for Blackwall. Bear. He's being transferred to the Skyhold cells."

Awful memory returned to her. A throb of numb in her chest. Rising her palm to it.

And, just like that, she was empty.

Din. One who isn't.

All empty.

All shattered.

Cutting into her with every breath.

No tears came. No screaming or wailing or begging. Just the dull throb of utter absence.

"I will tell the others you've woken." Solas patted her hand and retreated from the room.

She sat silent for a long moment.

"Morrigan?"

"Yes?"

"Could you help me?"

Morrigan leaned her head inquisitive. Waving for her to continue.

"I don't want to see anymore. Is there a way to blind me?"

Morrigan turned fully on the bed toward her.

"Literally? Yes, that is very easy done. But I imagine you mean your sight beyond?"

She nodded.

"I've had enough. I don't want to see again. I can't do it anymore."

Morrigan went quiet in front of her. Folding her arms in thought.

"Well, we may not need Dirthamen's gift after all. I have something that will give us another advantage."

Din looked up.

"You may have had the right instinct. If your physical eyes are blinded..."

Morrigan stood and started to pace.

"Yes... it could force it to compensate. Keep it busy. If the whole world is a secret, that would hold priority."

Turning to her to stare determined.

"You wouldn't see, not like now. But it could release you."

Her chest filled with tender hope.

"Do it."

"Let me prepare. I'll consult some texts."

-

"Vella?"

She glanced down at him.

"That isn't my name."

"Ah." Solas smiled sadly. Climbing up the ladder.

They seemed truly determined not to leave her alone. Cullen walked with her the last few nights. Letting her lean on him as she eventually got wobbly. Shrouding her in his cloak. Sometimes, he took her hand. His warm and calloused. Giving a soft squeeze. Speaking sweetly as she spiraled.

"Then what shall I call you?" He offered, sitting next to her on the scaffolding. Both stared at the circle of his fresco.

"Lethallan is nice." She handed him a cup of lemon and cayenne honey.

"Ah, thank you." He sipped at the cup, eyes closing for a moment. "That's lovely. What is it?"

"Something I used to make when I was ill." She circled her fingers over the rim. "Small comforts, you know?"

She marveled at the murals

"But this is all so beautiful. You have a vision."

"You're too kind. They're about you."

She stared at him. Heart raw.

"Show me."

So he did. Pointing from mural to mural. Each a moment of her journey. Each a turning point. Explaining the significance of the choices.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to write it down?" She raised an eyebrow with a sly smile, then let it fall. It felt wrong to play. Cupping the mug in her hands.

"You take me for a scribe?" His voice picked up a rare tease. Despite herself, she smiled again.

"Just another way to spread knowledge. But it is much less breathtaking." She leaned her head back, closing her weary eyes.

She could feel his eyes on her.

"You've stopped singing."

Her eyes opened.

"What?"

"I hear you. At night. Why have you stopped?"

"I just..." Her heart dully ached, but still no tears came. "I think something is broken in me. I can't find the joy again."

He studied her quietly.

"Your vhenan, Rainier..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

They both sat in the inflamed wound. All tender edges. Weeping blood with the beat of her heart.

Solas leaned forward, urging her eyes back to him.

"You helped me. When I needed to find peace for my elgar falon. You've been..." He closed his eyes.

"You're unexpected. Wisdom, curiosity, beauty. You've had every chance to shut the world out. Please don't take that path. Stay open."

She shook her head.

"I want to. I do. But I don't know how to stay soft anymore."

He took a deep breath out. Resolving something.

"Let me help you."

Her eyes met his.

"Then Morrigan is right?"

He nodded.

"But you must meet me in the Fade first. Dream, Lethallan. I will follow."

"I can't."

"I will lead you."

She laid back on the scaffolding, resting her hands on her belly. Solas laid parallel to her.

Her body fell fast. Sleep enveloped her as a plunge into the sea.

"Solas?"

She looked around a great forest. An awe near fear sharp in her chest.

"I'm here." He cupped her forearm gently. "Forgive me, I forgot dreaming is foreign to you."

"It's so... it's breathtaking." Her eyes met his again. "Is this what it's always like?"

"Not for most. But my traveling is like this, yes."

He led her by the curve of her fingers to sit on a stone near the water.

"And perhaps, yours shall be too."

She looked up at him. Surprise heavy in her heart. Hope a poison she held in her mouth, ready to swallow.

"If your tie to Dirthamen is weakened, it may let you sleep like this. To dream. But yours is a heavy gift to discard."

His eyes searched hers. Seeking confirmation. Permission.

She held his hand in hers.

"I'm sure. This is what I want. I want to have my own mind. I want to be free."

He stared down at their joined hands for a moment. Rubbing her thumb experimentally with his.

"If that is the case, I must tell you something."

He turned her hand to stare at her palm, running a soft fingertip over the lines.

"The vallasin. I have journeyed far enough to discover what it truly means. They are slave markings. From the time of ancient Arlathan. When the Pantheon ruled elves."

"So my people were wrong." She nodded. Saddened, but not surprised. "Our history is so muddled, I could see it being mistranslated over time."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Thank you. For telling me." She sighed.

"If you like, I know a spell... I can remove the vallasin with your sight."

She lifted her hand to gently touch her face. Giving the ink a tender moment.

"This tattoo has kept me safe. It was subterfuge. A mask. But, I will no longer need it, will I?"

Solas rubbed her thumb, a silent assurance.

"Do it. It has served me well. I will discard it fondly."

He smiled, raising his hands to cradle the air around her face.

"Close your eyes."

"Wait."

She looked around the misty grove. Drinking in the full of the scenery.

"I'm grateful it was a beautiful dream. The last thing I saw. Thank you for bringing me here."

He paused, staring at her with soft eyes.

"Okay, I'm ready." She let her eyes fall closed again.

"You will feel some discomfort, but no pain. I couldn't let Morrigan butcher you. To send you to the dark that way."

She smiled with her eyes closed.

"She was just going to pour some acid in my eyes, wasn't she?"

"You're not far off. Now hush."

She smiled wide.

His hands were warm and tingled along her face, a light visible beyond her lids.

"It tickles!" She stifled her giggle.

He laughed.

"You are a strange, wonderful thing."

"Was that the vallasin?"

"Yes, keep your eyes closed, sulahn."

His palms settled on her temples.

"Song. I like that." She sighed in Elvhen.

"I hope you find a new name." He whispered.

His palms lifted slowly, and she could feel something pull behind her eyes. Squeezing her shut eyes to not squirm.

Then she felt it. A gentle pop. Something separating. Flashes of light filled her vision.

She opened her eyes as a curtain of dark fell. Gasping as it all fell to void. Eyes wide but seeing only velvet dark.

"Now... what do you see?"

She concentrated, feeling for sight deep inside her.

Just as she was about to give up, something bloomed. Gasping out as the world filled around her.

A circle of sight extended around her, definition of shapes like fine shifting sand. Color was gone, the world only shades of light and dark. Vision sliding along the physical as wind.

She reached for the stone beneath her, entranced by the sight of her own hand. The same thin particles dancing around her skin.

"Solas, it's..." She lifted her eyes.

"Oh..."

His body was ringed in many ribbons of soft blue light. Moving in languid circled rivers. Eyes glowing in it.

"Oh, Solas..." She marveled. Lifting her hand to gently twist her fingers in it.

He shuddered, pulling her wrist down.

"I'm sorry." She breathed.

"You're forgiven." He smiled. His face spectral in the shifting dark. "How do you feel?"

She closed her eyes. The vision slowly faded. Only imprints left. Then she opened them again. It refilled as gentle as before.

Her head was quiet. Tears bubbled on her waterline. Cupping a hand over her mouth.

"It's quiet. Oh Gods, it's so quiet. I've never felt peace like this."

She saught his eyes again. "And I can sleep? I can dream?"

"Yes." The soft triumph in his voice filled her heart.

"I've never done it before. I might need a guide."

His smile ached her heart. Cupping her hands in his again.

"I will find you. But now you must wake."

-

Din kneeled in the garden, focusing on a rose bush. Smiling at the way the particles danced around it. All shapes were made of silt caught in the flow of her river. The intricate layer of petals entranced her.

She wasn't used to the passage of time quite yet, but knew it was night. A new set of conditions she had to live by, ones she was eager to learn.

"Vella? Oh, sorry... I guess I don't know what to call you." Josephine called out sheepishly.

"Sera has too many offers, but Solas came up with Sulahn." She offered brightly.

"Hmm, that is pretty." Josie smiled.

If she focused, she could see the color of her. A warm orange that glowed deep at the crest of her ribs, under her heart. A sunset.

The color was much more potent around mages. Though, not as much as Solas'. She had already dipped her fingers into Dorian's deep crimson river. A sensation he found delightfully tantalizing.

"You seem so much better." Josephine sighed contented. Kneeling with her for a moment. "And no tattoo! But I'm sorry it had to be like..." She gestured to her blindfold. "This."

"You can see me, right?" Josephine held up her hand flat.

Din pressed her palm to hers.

"Yes, I can."

"That's remarkable."

She let out a deep sigh. "Blackwa- Rainier will be here by morning."

Josephine took her hand gently in hers.

"Do you think you're ready? To see him?"

"With new eyes..." She sighed. "I think so."

"I'm so sorry. I know his lie has been devastating."

"It still doesn't feel real. I still haven't cried." She pressed her palm to her heart, if only to confirm its beat. "Gods, it seemed like I couldn't stop crying before. Now I'm just..."

"Numb?" Josephine offered sadly.

"Yeah. So much of myself was braided into him. Having him severed... I don't know who I am here. I feel like I have to start over. I'm exhausted. I dont want to start over."

Tears finally started to pool in her eyes.

"Oh... there they are." She smiled. Wiping gently with the side of her thumb under the mask. Staring down at the shades of her hand. The light fluid slipped down her thumb.

"Are they..." She looked up at Josephine.

"Still silver. Sorry."

"It's okay. I've gained more than enough."

"You will have to sit in his judgment." Josephine sighed, taking her hands again. "Do you know what you'll say?"

She shook her head.

"Could you do something for me?" She hushed.

"Of course." Josephine smiled.

Din pulled off her blindfold.

"Could you tell me what you see?"

She opened her eyes. Staring at the beautiful shift of her face.

Josephine studied the whole of her face with parted lips, her sweet eyes centered back on hers.

"Well, that cut is going to scar, but your eyes are surprisingly beautiful. Like clouds caught behind your pupil. The color is gone, though. In your iris. But it's almost like moonstone. Melding with the white."

She leaned toward her. Voice falling to hush as she spoke.

"And I feel like I can see you now, without the tattoo. You have perfect freckles. Sun-kissed cheeks. Your lips are so..."

Her mouth slid into hers. So softly kissing into her. Just as Din started to lean in, she pulled away.

"Andraste's Mercy, I am so sorry!"

"I'm not." She breathed, pulling her back. Josie whimpered into her hungry kiss. Rising onto knees with her. Din's hand cupped under her ear. Breathing hard through the part of their lips.

"Thank you." She whispered when she pulled away. Josie's pupils were full blown, staring at her with sweet doe eyes. "I needed that. Maybe I'm not empty, after all."

"Happy to help." Josephine breathed.

She pressed a hand to Josephine's glow.

"It's orange. Your light. Marigold."

Josephine looked up at her. Letting out a dreamy sigh.

"I see why you have all the men in camp following like puppies. Mercy..."

"Ha, but I haven't kissed any of them yet. Maybe I'll start with Cullen."

"Don't." Josie laughed, pulling her to stand. Leading her hand over a bent arm. "That man is too sweet to not fall sword first."

"All you knights and ladies..." She laughed. "Nobody has fun, do they?"

"Absolutely not." Josephine patted her hand. "But we try."

~

Next Chapter

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

This week on "CJ needs to gush about DAO": Morrigan's dark ritual.

I adore Origins because depending on how serious you take roleplay, every decision you make is a thread that leads back to your origin, and in this case of the ritual, who you choose to romance can have a major impact on how you handle this choice.

For context, my canon run is with a female Tabris who romances Alistair and keeps him as a Grey Warden, and is close friends with Morrigan. It's more in character for my Tabris to reject Morrigan's ritual and not even bring it up to Alistair, which would result in her leaving him behind while she makes the ultimate sacrifice in killing the archdemon... however, agreeing to convince Alistair to do the ritual with Morrigan is the only choice in the entire game where I break roleplay because I'm selfish and weak and I want Tabris to live.

I have a lot of strong feelings about the ritual, like it hurts me. It makes me want to chew on furniture. I can talk about it until I can talk no more. I so badly want to be strong enough to remain in character and reject the ritual.

Let me explain: Tabris survives an origin that deals with sexual assault. She gets kidnapped on her wedding day, she watches the other kidnapped women and her husband get murdered, and then is too late to save Shianni from being assaulted... and Tabris carries that trauma with her throughout the entire game.

If the way to save her life is to ask the two most important people she cares about; one being her lover and the other being her best friend; who she knows hate each other, to have dubiously consensual sex in order to make a baby to absorb the old god soul... she's saying no. The last thing Tabris would ever do is put someone into a sexual situation where consent is at all dubious after what she saw happen to Shianni and nearly happened to herself. She'd rather die than force that upon Alistair and Morrigan.

That's what I mean when I say origin affects everything; I know some will side eye that with "Really? Your warden would rather die than let Alistair sleep with another woman? It's one time, and Alistair agrees to it, so no one needs to die?"

Let me be clear in saying this isn't a "Morrigan slept with my man" issue. Sure, that part's awkward and it sucks, but that's not even breaking water tension, let alone diving into the deep waters to the core of the issue.

For my Tabris, this is about betrayal, consent, and accepting fate.

The person offering Tabris this deal is someone she thought of as a trusted friend who has actually been lying to her the entire time. It doesn't matter what Morrigan's intentions are now or if she genuinely wants to save the wardens. She knew from the beginning why Flemeth sent her with them, she admits as much. She knew a warden would need to make the ultimate sacrifice and then leveraged that to get what she wants. Morrigan waited until the night before, when Alistair and the warden learn one of them has to die to defeat the archdemon, and took advantage of the high running emotions and possibly the fear of dying to make the warden agree to her ritual.

At least, that's how my Tabris interprets this confrontation. She feels betrayed by someone she came to love like a sister and went out of her way to help Morrigan with her mother upon learning what's in Flemeth's grimoire. And then that someone tells her no one needs to die, she just needs to convince Alistair to sleep with her... which is a huge fucking problem.

The Alistair and Tabris romance is slow; it took a long time for either of them to be comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and trusting each other with basic intimacy, let alone sex. Tabris is mortified at the idea of putting Alistair in this situation. Not only would it feel like a betrayal on her part to ask that of him, but she knows the last thing Alistair ever wants to do is father a bastard who then goes on to grow up without him. How could she possibly ask him to do that?

Then you consider that ritual or no, there isn't a guarantee that they'll survive anyway. Say they do the ritual and Tabris dies anyway; she made Alistair sleep with Morrigan in order to save her and then she died anyway. Or if Alistair dies then Tabris gets to live with the fact that the last person Alistair was with was a woman he hates because she asked that of him… and either way, Morrigan gets to walk away with what she wanted.

Tabris led the group, and she's accepted that if Riordan dies [which he does] then she'll be the one to make the sacrifice, even if it means breaking both hers and Alistair's heart.... except she doesn't because I'm a coward who doesn't want to lose her because my worldstate isn't good without her in it but I also refuse to lose Alistair so I just pretend it plays out differently in my head it's fine-

But... that's how I play Tabris and view the situation. My friend @pi-creates and I have discussed the dark ritual at length. While I play a Tabris who romances Alistair, Pi plays a Mahariel who romances Morrigan, so we have vastly different interpretations of the ritual itself and Morrigan's intentions.

Which yeah, it makes total sense that someone who romanced Morrigan with a different origin, and has the option to do the ritual with her rather than asking someone else to do it, wouldn't see this the way I do.

To quote Pi: "Playing as a male warden in the Morrigan romance makes the whole situation feel different, and maybe it’s because she’s presenting it differently due to the emotional connection, but it feels more like she’s opening up about her initial instructions (that she had been given by Flemeth) and offering a solution to avoid the possibility of death. And for my Mahariel, the constant threat of sudden death has haunted him from the start – he caught the blight and was ripped away from his clan (something he did not want to do in the slightest), got forced into a Grey Warden ritual that could kill him, was forced into a battle that could kill him, going on this whole quest that he never wanted but has now become responsible for regardless of his thoughts on the matter… the dark ritual may be one of the few moments where he is presented with an option to decide if he wants to walk into certain death, or take actions of his own volition to stop it.

"The idea of the ritual still feels like a dodgy thing to do since the ultimate outcome is unknown at that point, he’s taking Morrigan at her word that it will save the warden and that this child would be unharmed, just with an old god soul that she isn’t exactly clear on why she wants that and is determined to runaway immediately after the battle to secure it properly. It could be interpreted that it’s purely a preservation thing, but I’m biased to wanting Morrigan's intentions to not be power based.

"But also, taking part in the ritual isn’t as outlandish for my warden since he and Morrigan have already been involved in an intimate relationship. It’s the future of the ritual that is scarier – the idea of this old-god baby, and the idea of Morrigan insisting that she’s leaving afterwards when Mahariel and her have a loving relationship. He’s hurting, but he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want Alistair to die, he doesn’t want Morrigan to leave, he definitely doesn’t want pregnant Morrigan to leave on her own… it’s complicated, but for completely different reasons."

And I find that fascinating. I want to know how other players approach this part of DAO, what origins they play, and who they romanced. Seriously, this is an invitation to anyone reading to share their thoughts.

What about a warden who doesn't even have Alistair in their party because they made Loghain a warden? Is there anyone out there who has Loghain do the ritual with Morrigan and why? What about male wardens who don't romance her? Do you choose to do it with her anyway, or do you ask Alistair or Loghain to do it? Do you tell Morrigan to fuck off with the ritual? Why? Who makes the ultimate sacrifice in that case? And what about Morrigan herself? How do you interpret her intentions/motivations? I want to know.

I'm telling you, this is a discussion that gets me excited, as most discussions about DAO do.

[gyrovagi]

hello and welcome to my gamer's den. here's a quick and dirty guide to the ocs i talk about constantly

CANON PROTAGS/NORMAL MEN. INNOCENT MEN:

eloy "el" surana (blood mage/arcane warrior) - i'm like if a control freak could control things ❤️ with blood magic ❤️. generally well-intentioned but hypervigilant, always playing 5d chess about the worst scenario. world's first moral (not necessarily ethical) male bigender manipulator. wields a wholly inappropriate degree of political influence in denerim

seongmin hawke (primarily diplomatic, sword + shield berserker) - afraid that his abandonment issues will leave him. pathologically conflict avoidant, fawn response to the max - up until someone he loves gets threatened, at which point good luck leaving alive lol. 'i don't think i need to talk about my feelings,' says man who just broke the arm of a templar asking around too much about the darktown clinic and then continued making casual conversation with varric as if nothing happened

ciuying "arav'assan" lavellan (archer, assassin) - king of compartmentalization. would really prefer to be one guy helping people on the ground rather than the unwilling inquisitor chained by power he never wanted, fighting for his life to be as politically uninvolved as possible. guy who is duty-bound never to return home

dak-wai (wi)thorne(s) (spellblade) - bellara kisser, direct port of my bg3 durge. vashoth grey warden mage seeking a righteous purpose after a complicated and bloody past, but who has yet to find a better general approach to problems than killing things with hammers.

TGIRLS SAVE THE WORLD(STATE):

sang tabris (champion) - next shem bastard who pisses me off i'm just going to fucking kill you. alistair did you eat yet ^_^. struggling to reconcile an irrepressible hope for a better world with the abject horrors he's been subjected to by the world he lives in at present. morrigan's lesbian husband.

so-min hawke (blood mage) - girl could you at least pretend not to be a chantry-hating apostate in the middle of the gallows. carver just got suddenly pissed off in a darkspawn tunnel and he knows it's not because of the genlocks

r trevelyan (rift mage) - tranquil since 18, and at age 33, honestly dealing pretty well with accidentally getting a magical lobotomy reversed. yeah ok so maybe the random prolonged neutral-expression weeping is a little off-putting. it's hard when you're the white girl who needs to save yourself

yazmin de riva (duelist) - embittered half-elf bastard child of the young lord owain trevelyan. frighteningly competent and driven, but has difficulty taking orders and working with others due to the huge chip on her shoulder. thinks lucanis dellamorte is a nepo baby

INSANE WOMEN AND MALE MANIPULATORS:

ngayu brosca (reaver) - what do you MEAN the fate of the country is dependent on two twenty-year-olds one of whom gets scared looking at the sun. has never once in her life believed she would live past twenty and that's looking increasingly likely as a prediction

rina hawke (assassin) - when you are endlessly bitter and refuse to deal with it in any healthy way because that would require you to acknowledge your resentment towards the family members you perceive as a burden. chronically insincere, subservient but seething the whole time, wouldn't be able to name a solid belief if you asked her, incapable of self-reflection. crack baby you don't know what you want...

caden trevelyan (templar) - wildly repressed homosexual. has weird ideas about being a man. constantly develops obsessive fixations on authoritative older men. believes he has the divine right to mete out violence. white boy who sucks 🔥

ha-neul aldwir (slayer) - born in the minrathous ambassadoria, hasn't been back there for half his life. fascinated by magic and magical artifacts since a young age. something of an oddity by both dwarven and non-dwarven standards, a guy with an endless thirst for life and little interest in denying himself pleasure or dwelling in guilt, for better or worse. unserious.

PRONOUNS USERS GOING THROUGH IT/TRAGEDY WORLDSTATE;

enasa mahariel (ranger) - deadalive nothing girl who isn't. didn't anticipate that taking the vallaslin of dirthamen, twin brother to death, would be quite so prophetic. very clearly crumbling under mounting pressure while refusing to stop dragging the rotting corpse

bryn hawke (force mage) - half-avvar on malcolm's side, raised with what avvar beliefs and practices their father could half-remember from childhood. never quite at home in ferelden and struggling to come to terms with the idea they'll never be quite at home in their mother's city either. quietly shouldering other's burdens until it chokes them.

meiying lavellan (knight-enchanter) - turns out when you take an anxiety-ridden elf burdened with excess responsibility since youth out of their familiar environment and support system she'll have a bad time. solas' ex-spouse still misses him… but their aim's getting better!

orpheus ingellvar (death caller) - < he doesn't know (that he's the child of the last theirin king and the missing presumed dead hero of ferelden). surprisingly cheerful for a guy collectively raised by a bunch of necromancers, seems like a polite young man, but then he says something weird and offputting that makes you realize he's spent a lot of his life interacting with skeletons. and nevarrans.

ASSORTED GUYS:

dea surana - reserved but observant, knows it's best not to attract attention, tries to look after herself and her own in the ways she can. surprisingly worldly/cynical after her brother was taken by the templars at a young age and her life afterwards was spent largely on the road. then her situationship was like 'you know the hero of ferelden is named surana? circle mage, relative of yours?' and now she regularly talks to the king of ferelden

owain trevelyan - never really stopped hoping his older brother would come back from the circle and everything would be fine again. he's socially well-connected and charismatic, and could make for an influential heir to the house with motivation and an advantageous marriage - but he's a lot more interested in dragon hunting and boy bestiesisms with the prince of starkhaven.

valerie trevelyan - black sheep of the family, annoyed that this is more about lesbianism than being a fantasy communist. managed to pull off a 'buy my silence - for $8000 a month i will stop' ploy on her parents at 20, before she knew that this would end with her as the warden-commander's sister-in-law

ga-ying lavellan - middle sibling b/w meiying and ciuying, closer to both of them than they are with each other. tends to take things a little too lightly, an optimist unconcerned with anything outside of the clan and the present. the siblings' dads (and meiying, and his wife) are hoping the birth of his daughter will make him more serious. ciuying likes him as he is.

everybody's parents tend to be less developed than their kids are but they exist. In my mind . there's also a couple other extremely incidental fellas but they'll come up when they come up. i might also ramble about my non-da guys here but (closes my eyes and passes away silently)

[fllagellant]

14 + 19 for antioch & theris 15 + 21 for estel + hivaris :3

:33 THANK UUU … my boys ..

ask game here !!

14. who are they closest to from their family?

HmmmMM . Theris is probably his Keeper first .. then mother second #mamasboy . He was an only child since his mother couldn’ t have another child after him . So she doted Heavily on him and the Keeper was like . The third parental figure . His relationship with his dad is fine but he isn’ t the man Theris would go to if he needs serious advice yknow …. His dad also isn’ t a fan of how Theris is setting up his life pre inquisition . The whole Herald’ s Bodyguard thing almost makes him have a heart attack

Antioch is his younger siblings … two very young kids who he is both the cool older brother too and also the overbearing parent to . Yes you can ride the halla . Yes you can come watch me hunt . Dont you DARE pick up those skinning tools you WILL hurt yourself are you kidding me . Stand in the corner I am not arguing with you . He has that ‘ motherly instinct ‘ that also doesn’t work 9/10 but when it does …. He just loves his baby siblings so much and wants to be the person they’ ll feel comfortable talking to as they age

19. are they afraid of death?

Yes . But not their own … kinda . Both Theris and Antioch have sorta signed themselves onto this idea of duty and both of them understand that sacrifice may be required blah blah blah but that also doesn’ t mean the idea of the Other having to die for this cause doesn’ t make them feel Awful Things . + Antioch’ s whole thing is being the overreaching protector of His people . And His people right now are the inner circle + the inquisition at large . Therefore he Has to kill to keep them from dying . It’ s chill if he does tho !!! But it isn’ t bc Theris is one funeral away from learning necromancy,

It’ s a cycle of no They can’ t die . I can tho . But not them

15. preferred weapon of choice?

Estel loooove evil nightmare and blood magic but idk if that counts as a weapon . But big and intricate staves ? Yes please !!! Even better if it has a stabbing end !!!

Hivaris has homoerotic tension with every 2 handed maul he comes across . Every problem is a nail , and well ,

21. what is their biggest regret?

This one is so difficult I dont know Why . Earlier on it might have been Becoming a Grey Warden for both of them . But that does not last .. even with the sheer amount of drawbacks …

Estel regrets how the Circle formed them … if that makes sense .. made him bitter and ingrained both that instinct to follow orders and also the instinct to rebel against any sort of rule so it’ s just like . Well . I also think a part of them regrets not dying with the Archdemon but not really … unless ? Haha what if I prove everyone wrong and go down in a blaze of blood and glory and mark the word as an apostate and an elf that saved this shitty , shitty place . But then Estel looks in a mirror like nvm people need to Suffer me more

Hivaris . Okay I think his biggest regret he is conscious of is not being able to help his sister sooner . Like he does , sure , but he hates that it took so long for him to be able to do Anything for her , in his eyes . Also visiting her when he was a grey warden too like damn … maybe I should have avoided going home now she’ s just gonna worry about me . But subconsciously ? I think he regrets doing the ritual with Morrigan . After the fact it is that tug of guilt that she’ s going off Alone to birth and raise a kid that Is His . Like wow #absentfather … this sucks . He doesn’ t try to think about it because it was a ritual to trap the soul of the arch demon but its still a baby boy and everything that is His son at the end of the day

[stenshale]

@a-gay-bloodmage GLADLY. putting it under a cut because the thoughts are Many

okay. lets say you're brosca. you're casteless which means everything is gonna suck forever unless you con your way into high society somehow. both your dad and you sister's dad walked out which means you're double fatherless. your best friend is kind of a dick. you and your sister are under the thumb of your town's fantasy drug pusher. and worst of all, your mother is an alcoholic who does not fucking like you even a little bit. she's mean, she sucks, you have to make sure she doesn't drink herself to death. she blames you for all of that. whatever. fine. that's life.

now let's say, through some real looney tunes bullshit, you manage to get out of dust town AND join the grey wardens AND ensure your sister and mother's safety and prosperity. great! this rules! the sky is fucking terrifying but honestly you can cope with that because you're out, dammit! you have friends that don't suck! no one up here cares that you're casteless!

you're living the high life for, like, two whole days. then you almost die, you almost die again, your cool recruiter dies, the fucking KING dies?, and the new acting king says you and your new best friend, the only other living grey warden in ferelden apparently, are public enemy number one. sucks. back to being a social pariah.

oh and there's a fucking blight and you have to kill an archdemon. also very cool. dust town isn't looking so bad right about now. lucky for you, because of some legal shenanigans (that, mind, you do not fucking understand because you have only been in this country for a week, and even in your hometown you weren't exactly rubbing elbows with the lawmaking elite), you get to go BACK to Orzammar. you get to visit home!

your sister is married and has a kid which is awesome. her husband seems to take good care of her. you can make him king if you want, because that's the influence you have over people now. deciding elections. weird! a couple months ago you barely had a say over what you had for dinner at night.

okay. now let's say you're specifically bosca brosca, and you want to be a berserker soooooo fucking bad. like so terribly awfully bad. you're back at home and you just want to hit things really hard with your big sword. you're also probably nonbinary but you've got too much on your plate to focus on that right now so it's not a concern. gather army first, then kill an archdemon, then gender stuff at some point. if you live. which is looking less and less likely the more you learn about surfacer bullshit.

there's a berserker dwarf in Orzammar who can teach you, though! cool! except he's mean. and he sucks. and you have to make sure he doesn't drink himself to death. and his relationship with his wife (who you come to hate for different, golem-related reasons) seems, to put it lightly, a fucking mess.

and you are not a hateful dwarf. no more than any other duster. living casteless for long enough, seeing the bigwigs in the diamond district, it turns anyone into a bit of a misanthropist, sure, but you're pretty tame, considering.

you hate oghren, though. from the MOMENT you see him. he's loud and you want to drown him, probably, and you had better get out of Orzammar quick because if you don't find running water to stick his head under, you're probably just gonna settle for lava. not a good idea. he still has to teach you berserking.

and so you do. and he does. he's good at that and drinking and not much else, and you kind of wish he was bad at the berserker part, too, so you could say the asshole never did a damn thing for you. but you can't.

and then he gets too drunk, even by his standards, and you haul him back to his tent, because that's what you do, you wait until the people you... know? are broken enough that you can sweep up the pieces and pretend you did them a service. you're not going to fix anything, but you can try and stop it from getting worse. you can make sure he rolls onto his side and sit by the fire, close enough to his tent to hear if he starts to get up in the middle of the night but far enough that you can pretend that's not exactly what you're doing.

and the healer, who drinks him under the table but does it in a quiet way that makes it hard to hate her about it, tells you that you're awfully gentle with him. it's a question and an accusation and you dignify neither. you don't even agree. it's not gentleness, it's necessity, it's maintaining a family team, it's what you do. you don't tell her that because she'll only give you that look she gets when she knows more than you thought you said.

if you knew who pavlov was, you'd draw some connections. if you knew who your father was, you'd draw some other connections. but you know neither of those men, so you hate him in a way that sinks its teeth deep in your chest and stays there.

and then you kill an archdemon and become a living paragon and raise house brosca out of castelessness and get married and act as the advisor to the king of a country you AREN'T EVEN FROM! and you think you're rid of him for good until you go on a grey warden mission and guess who fucking pops up.

[chronurgy]

10 characters, 10 fandoms

Thanks for the tag @rowanisawriter!

Tagging: @weavewithshadow, @bhaalsbabe, anyone else who wants to play!

Oooo this is going to be hard because I tend to get really into multiple characters from the same thing, but let's go! In no particular order:

1. Essek Thelyss - Critical Role

He's a war criminal. He's a prodigy. He's a traitor. He's a time and gravity wizard. He's a heretic in a theocracy where his mother is a living saint. He floats everywhere instead of walking. When the gang asks if they're going to have to kill him, he laughs and says "I'd like to see you try". He crushes someone to death with gravity simply by closing his fist. "My reasons [for treason] weren't good, but they were important". He goes from not having cared about anyone in 120 years to caring so much about a bunch of weirdos in like, 6 weeks. He made his father so mad during an argument that the guy stormed off and died. What's not to love? He makes me so insane.

Honorable mention: Caleb Widogast

2. Anders - Dragon Age

My favorite chaotic bisexual disaster man. The contrast between awakening anders and da2 anders is so fascinating for me. He's this carefree guy, except he isn't really that carefree, is he? He escapes over and over and over, swimming across the lake even. He hates the circle and hates the Templars just as much, he's just funnier about it. When you start adding up the year in solitary, Karl, the fact that he must have seen all the injuries in the circle as a spirit healer, it starts becoming very clear why he is the way he is. He also sucks! He's petty, he's mean, and he's so up his own ass about how right he thinks he is about everything. But he also runs a clinic for the poorest of the poor, dodging Templars and freeing mages all the while. He does the excellent wizard hubris thing of taking the future into his own hands, even if it kills people (suck my nuts elthina). He loves a romanced Hawke so much, even as he experiences this greater calling. Plus Grey wardens are cool as hell and he loves cats.

Honorable mention: mage!Hawke

3. Merlin - BBC Merlin

This show manages to be both ridiculous and sad. Merlin is such a happy go lucky, cheerful character at the beginning, then we watch as things just keep getting worse. He cannot seem to win. By the end, that cheerfulness seems much closer to a mask he's desperately clinging to than anything else. He's an expert liar and manipulator, he's a killer, and he's so, so alone. If he ever tells anyone that he's a sorcerer, he'll be executed. And he lives in the shadow of that for years, unable to be himself even with the people he's closest to. Also characters who have their eyes change colors when using their powers my beloved.

4. Daenerys Targaryen - ASOIAF

I love her chapters - there's so much interesting and human depth to her struggles (even when her struggles are fantastical). She struggles to know how to rule, and rule well. She takes hostages but loves them too much to kill them. She struggles to create and maintain a peace for her people even as that peace asks things of her she cannot bear. She worries what it says about her that her children are monsters and she both loves and fears them. She desperately wants a simple, loving life but is also so, so doomed to never have that. She's a queen and a dragon rider and a young woman trying to understand the world. She's great. (I don't care about the tv show I'm talking books here)

Honorable mentions: Jon Snow, Cersei Lannister

5. Gale Dekarios - Baldur’s Gate

Oh yeah, another hubris wizard. He's funny and has this easy, good natured charm that makes it possible to ignore that he's an absolute FREAK. He's got one of my favorite wizard traits - a strong ends justify the means streak. He points, very genteelly, at all the ways power and knowledge drive and corrupt. He's a sweetheart but he brags all the time. Except it isn't bragging, because he can back it up. He can really, genuinely, become a god. His relationship with the dark urge also makes me insane, because I think in some ways he's both the clearest eyed about what will happen to them and the one most willing to meet them where they are and also desperately wants to believe they're a good person, even when it's clear that they aren't. His line about how their life is no longer theirs to lead, only to follow to a dark urge who embraces Bhaal is incredible. The diverging paths of who he can become over the course of the game are fascinating and there's so much depth to him. He's great. Oh, he also excuses his cat's crimes. Love that in a man.

Honorable mentions: Enver Gortash, The Dark Urge

6. Camilla Hect - The Locked Tomb

She's the most composed, controlled, meticulous batshit fucking crazy woman in the world. Unstoppable force vibes. Instead of moving on after her necromancers death she pieced together tiny fragments of his skull and then shared her body with him. She's a genius and she can't let go of her insanely codependent relationship, even when it kills her (but honestly Paul seems pretty cool and I'm excited to learn more about them)

Honorable mention: Palamedes Sextus

7. The Jovial Contrarian - Fallen London

A little more niche, this one! I sometimes find that characters in fallen london can sort of pale in interest compared to the overall lore and happenings, but the Jovial Contrarian is one of my favorites. He loves arguing and will argue with anyone about anything at any time. If you have regular debating lessons with him, people will hide behind couches rather than face you. He's part of the calendar council and hates the masters but also wants a solution that isn't the liberation of the night. Anytime his name is mentioned you know you're about to read something ridiculous. Fun guy!

Honorable mentions: Poor Edward (incredibly narsty. great villain), The Eagle, Ascendant (they have like, 3 lines of lore and they're all fantastic)

8. Midna - Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

I remember playing twilight princess for the first time and I just immediately fell in love with Midna. She's snarky, she's mean, her design is cool as hell, and I really loved her arc as she grew to really care about people over the course of the game. She remains firmly the best Zelda companion in my mind.

9. Elim Garak - Star Trek

You always knew it was going to be a great episode when Garak showed up. He always feels 30 seconds from chewing on the scenery and it is fantastic. He's an exiled spy and maybe a little bit of a monster and he never pretends otherwise. His lines to Sisko in "In the Pale Moonlight," telling him that he must have known what Garak would do, and that if the price of winning the war is Sisko's self respect then he'd call that a bargain are some of my favorite in an episode that already has a lot of really good lines. Aw man I wanna watch DS9 now.

Honorable mentions: Julian Bashir, Captain Picard, Tasha Yar (but wasn't she lame and poorly written? Yes. But young me was extremely taken with this aggressive short-haired woman for reasons I could not articulate at the time 🥴)

10. Morgan Yu - Prey (2017)

Okay so if you haven't played Prey stop reading right now and go buy it. Don't look up any spoilers or plot or anything just do it. If you liked dishonored or deathloop you'll love it. Now: who IS Morgan Yu? Who WAS Morgan Yu? Are they even the same person any more? How culpable are they? How culpable were they? Part of the reason Morgan is so endlessly fascinating to me is because we'll never know. How integral are memories to the continuity of the self? Why did you do what you did? Did you, the person standing here right now, even do it? The game just delivers gut punch after gut punch to Morgan and I love it and I love them (whoever they might have been).

Overall honorable mentions: the outsider from dishonored, garrus from mass effect, vimes and vetinari from discworld, and all my dnd characters (shout out especially to Hermès Montclair who fucked a dragon, died (unrelated to said dragon fucking), then came back wrong and fucked the dragon again! No one's doing it like you baby)

[t4llhum4n]

👀 pleaaaaase talk about vega i wanna hear everything you have to say about him 🙏🏻❤️

OMG, YES THANK YOU. YOU'RE A GODSEND <3

Vega is my favorite character from a writing perspective. Full stop. Both Prime and Imp!Vega are such interesting character studies for me it's unreal. Imp!Vega is a whole 'nother can of worms though, so I'll save that for another day.

Gonna cut because I can already tell that this is gonna be long.

So, what's so interesting about Vega for me? Firstly, I ADORE the way that Erik approaches "morally grey" with him. Like, I love grey morals, but I really don't like it when a character is just mysterious for mystery's sake, y'know? But with Vega? There are REASONS.

Reason one: He's old as fuck. No but fr, I LOVE this example of immortality and living for millennia. We always talk about how being immortal would kinda suck because all of our friends and loved ones would die and all that. This guy? He's been there, done that. Vega has existed for so long; it makes so much sense that he's disillusioned to stuff like death or suffering. Which brings me to my next point..

Reason two: Not only is he old -- he's an old sadism demon. So, not only has this dude witnessed people dying and suffering, he's BEEN THERE. Hell, he's probably been causing it for thousands of years. I mean, everybody's gotta eat, right? Which, when you think about it, would make the outcome of the Cacophony so much worse for him. For all we know, the Vega that coalesced ages ago was a kind and gentle daemon, but when they imprisoned the Sovereigns, and he found out that he had to feed on the worst kinds of feelings? He would've had to bury that part of himself to SURVIVE. It's crazy man.

Another thing, the way this man plays manipulator is so insane. Like, he doesn't outright lie, he just tells the truth when and where it suits him. And he never makes himself out to be a victim or a good person. He gives explanations for his actions (sometimes), but never full-on excuses. That line about "Warden" being complicit in his actions after he told them that he was going to hurt people? If they didn't go to the Department, then yeah, they would be complicit. Speaking of the Department..

HE'S GIVES PEOPLE AN OUT. And it's in a VERY manipulative way (because I'm only talking about Prime rn). He keeps an air of mystery around "Warden" to draw them in. He knew that they were curious about him, like genuinely curious, and he played on that BIG TIME. He made a whole big deal out of his plans and kept them vague so Warden would naturally be curious about them. Then, and ONLY then, is when he reminded them that they "could leave at any time." Motherfucker KNEW that Warden would not leave his side.

And the indications of his character? He's said that everything he does is in service of his plans. So like, did that include getting caught? Was he aware of "Warden's" existence beforehand? Is he just using them? And that's the best part: WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Vega's manipulation is written so well that even we, as listeners, have no idea if he's truly opening up to "Warden" or not. Unreal.

Anyway, that's getting into theory territory, and I'm not about to open that box (yet). Focusing on canon stuff again, he's powerful as hell but is so subdued about it. He doesn't flaunt it beyond saying things like, "If I wanted, I could have you curled up at my feet like a dutiful puppy." And that's just.. true. No hubris on this man whatsoever. He knows his strength, and he isn't going to play it up. That'd be stupid. He might play it down though but once again that's theory territory.

And, to address the elephant in the room, the VOICE?! So so pretty. I literally get lost in how smooth it is. I made a post when Vega's new audio came out about how I had to relisten to it because his voice was so pretty it was distracting, and I just want you all to know that that is a very common occurrence for me. It's so pleasant to listen to, and part of me wonders if that's part of his manipulation as well. Like, he purposefully trained his voice like that so that it was pleasing to hear, and it made people more willing to listen? Either way though, easily one of my favorite voices on the channel (Anton's climbing quickly tho).

The fact that he's SUCH a manipulator makes him such a good character to reveal lore and foreshadowing through. Because guess what? You bet your ASS that there's gonna be some doubt there. This man has ONE audio that doesn't have either a [gaslighting], [manipulation], or [threatening harm] tag. ONE! So of course we're gonna doubt it. That means more mystery for us and more theory fodder for people like me who read way too deep into things.

..also thank you @fluffsoo for the ask!

Edit starts here!

Okay, we're back. And funny enough, I just had an in-depth conversation with a friend about a character in a book we're reading for class that we see as irredeemable. So, now I feel like talking about redemption, and along that line, how interesting it is that Vega doesn't care about being redeemed.

I love characters that are set in their goals. Vega is one driven son of a bitch -- he has his plans and fuck is he gonna see them through. And the sentiment of "no matter what it takes" is so much more interesting here. As I mentioned above, he's been exposed to the worst aspects of human emotion since the Cacophony, which explains why he's so numb to the pain of others. It's been part of his daily existence for thousands of years. So, what does he care if he has to break a few eggs to make an omelet? It's nothing new to him, and as far as he's concerned, humans do it to each other all the time. He's seen it happen millions of times over the years. Why should he care about hurting them if they don't seem to care about doing it to each other?

And his disinterest in redemption is only further shown by him not really caring that humanity will benefit if his plans come to fruition. His only focus is how it will benefit his people, who he knows have suffered for millenia longer than any human ever could. It's as he says, "The long run is the only thing that matters to [him]." Vega has no care for humans at all. He has no qualms about using them, in whatever way he must, to reach his goal.

HOWEVER, that's all his cruelty toward any human ever is. It isn't born out of hatred or disgust; what's the point in hating a being that's so much weaker than you are? He doesn't hold grudges because grudges slow progress. He doesn't seek vengeance because that would get him sidetracked. Nothing he does to humans is ever truly personal, and that's such a fascinating thing to dive into. Every cruel and vile thing he does is in service of his plans -- making him single-minded, but in an infinitely interesting way. The reason why he's so quick to jump to violent measures is because, like it or not, that's the quickest way to ensure that you get what you want. He doesn't care that it's wrong. It's efficient. That's all that matters.

Anyway, I could go on forever about this. Vega is genuinely such a well-written villain (with a voice that's pleasing as fuck to match), and I really love looking into all of the complex characters in the Redacted lore. I could write essays upon essays about characters like Regulus, Blake, Morgan, "Cutie" etc., and y'know, I just might :D

[thebawdybaldurian]

Kinktober Day Six: Virginity

Wasn’t feeling and/had already done prompts for today, so choose from a new list. I finally get to re-write my first fanfic couple, my Dragon Age Grey Warden Temene and her love interest, Alistair. Temene has very limited experience with sex (circle mage with nothing better to do) and Alistair is famously a virgin. 😇 Just some good old fashioned boning! Didn’t have time to proofread, so please ignore the mistakes.

Content and Warnings: oral sex, PIV sex, first time sex.

Pairing: Femme Warden x Alistair

As Temene settled in for the night in the small hut, she heard a knock at her door. She’d already changed into her chemise and was letting her hair dry by the fire before heading to bed. She opened the door a crack, seeing Alistair standing nervously on the other side. He was freshly washed and shaved and changed into clean clothes. “Hi,” she smiled, hiding behind the door so he didn’t see how thin the fabric of her nightgown was. “Is everything alright?”
“Yes...it’s fine. I was just thinking...about things,” he replied, his posture telling her he’d like to be invited inside.

“Yes...something very specific...I was just thinking, about us," he paused as he joined her by the fire. "If we die, if we can't end the Blight...if we get eaten by a dragon or killed by crazy cultists...I don’t want to have any regrets.”

“Okay,” she nodded, getting a suspicion of where things were going, judging from his impeccable cleanliness and nervousness. “What would you regret if we died tomorrow?”

“You,” he took her hand in his, warm from the fire, but slightly clammy from anxiety. “You...already know how I feel about you...and I wanted to...show you...with my body...doing...sex...things,” he stumbled over his words.

“You mean, you want to make love?” she blushed, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

“Yes! That was the phrase I was thinking of!” he let out a relieved sigh now that it was out in the air. “That is...if you would like to…?”

“We’re both freshly bathed...there’s an actual bed...I don’t think we’ll find a better place to do it for a while,” she smiled, standing on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

He pulled her into a loose embrace, keeping his hands chastely on her upper back. His cock was the one deciding not to be chaste, stirring quickly as they continued to kiss. “Oh,” he glanced down at his half-hard cock with slight embarassament. “That’s supposed to happen, right?”

“It is,” she grinned, brushing her fingers down his side and right above his pubic bone.

“It moved,” he giggled nervously, the slight touch of her hand making his pants tent even more. “Is that...good?”

“It means it responds to stimuli at least,” she laughed, moving her hand back up to his torso. “Can I take off your shirt?”

“Uh...yeah...sure,” he grabbed at the lacing on the neck, trying to pull it looser without unknotting the bow at the top.

“I can do that,” she said softly, reaching up to pull the bow loose and planted a soft kiss between the laces. He let out a low whimper, holding his breath in. She slipped the shirt over his head, planting another kiss on his chest. She could feel his racing pulse with her lips and looked up at him with a gentle smile. “Take a deep breath out...I don’t want you to pass out.”

“Yeah...right,” he let out a long sigh, his arms held stiffly at his sides.

“You can touch me too, you know?” she replied, nuzzling over his heart and moving over to suck one of his nipples.

“Ahhhhh!” he moaned, his knees buckling slightly. “I can touch you like that?” he asked, looking down at the hard nipples pressing out of her chemise.

“If you want to,” she grinned, kissing and sucking the other nipple as he shivered.

“Should I...take this off, then?” he awkwardly fondled one of her breasts, lifting her chemise slightly. She nodded, helping him slide it over her head, leaving her completely naked. “You’re naked,” he blushed deeply, looking down at her feet. “Very naked.”

“I certainly don’t sleep with clothing under my nightgown,” she giggled, slowly raising his chin with her finger so he could survey her entire body. His cock was now sticking straight up against the thin broadcloth trousers he wore. He appeared to be more well-endowed than the other men she’d been with in the Circle Tower, though it had usually been dark and incredibly brief. She bit deeply into her lip, looking down at the bulging fabric and reached down to undo the buttons. “We should take these off before you poke a hole in them,” she teased, getting one button loose before he grabbed her hands.

“Could I…leave them on for bit?” He asked shyly, self-conscious about his manhood, despite his size. The other wardens had talked about their cocks being the size of their arms and how much women liked them big.

“Sure,” she nodded, leaving his trousers for now and taking his hand. She led him towards the bed, sitting down on the edge of it.

“So do I just stay standing?” He looked at her with confusion at what to do next.

“Sit down next to me,” she replied gently, patting the bed. “And touch me wherever you want…”

“Yes,” he nodded obediently, sitting beside her. He raised his hand hesitantly, cupping one of her breasts in his hand. “It’s so soft,” he blushed, bouncing it slightly. “I…touched one before…and it felt so stiff…bony almost.”

“She was probably wearing a bodice,” Temene smirked, moving his thumb to brush over her nipple. “It makes them look nice in dresses…but isn’t great for fondling.”

“Could I…kiss it too?” He asked, his mouth hanging open slightly in anticipation.

“Please,” she turned more towards him, giving him easier access.

He leaned in slowly, planting a gentle kiss on her areola and then softly pursed his lips around it as she’d done to him. She let out a soft moan, pulling his head closer and letting him suck on it longer. “Was that alright?” He finally freed his lips from her, though he looked eager to dive in again.

“Mmmmhmmmm,” she nodded, brushing her fingers along his torso. “If I ever moan like that…that means it feels good.”

“Oh…okay,” he blushed. “So…should I keep doing it?”

“Yes…or you can move around…just whatever feels natural to you…”

He nodded, kissing her other breast and then gently sucking on it. He let one of his hands linger on her thigh, leaning down on the other. She circled her fingers across his back, letting out a soft sigh. She was throbbing and begging to be touched elsewhere, gently sliding his hand further up her thigh. “Do you want to…touch it?” She asked, holding his hand near the slight part in her thighs.

“The…uh…that part…?” he gulped, looking at her with a deep blush. “Yes…”

She grinned, pulling him in for a long kiss as she guided his hand between her thighs, letting him feel the slick warmth. His fingers explored with curious hesitancy, feeling up and down each lip, until his finger accidentally slipped inside her. She let out a little squeak, tensing around the unexpected but not unpleasant digit. “Oh, sorry…I wasn’t supposed to do that, was I?” Alistair blushed deeply, pulling his hand away.

“It’s alright,” she laughed excitedly, ready to accelerate things beyond teasing. “That’s…how I…touch myself…it feels…nice.”

“Sorry I am so bad at this,” he bemoaned, playing with the sticky honey on his fingers. “Is it always that…wet?” He asked, looking shyly at her.

“Mostly just when I am excited,” she replied, putting her hand on his thigh. “Can I take your pants off now?”

“Um…sure,” he shifted nervously. “Just…I’m sorry if I won’t be…adequate…”

“What are you talking about? Stand up,” she motioned, grabbing for his buttons when he did. His cock sprung out like an arrow, the tip glistening with pre-cum.

“It’s small…isn’t it? I knew the other wardens were bigger, but I thought maybe…”

“Alistair!” She grinned up at him, sliding his trousers past his ass. “Have you seen one bigger than this?!”

“Nuh…no…but…the other wardens…and the Templar recruits…they were always talking about how big their swords were…great swords…battle hammers…pole arms.”

“Well, I haven’t seen many,” she blushed, leaning towards his wobbling cock. “But yours is the biggest I’ve ever seen.”

“Really?” He gasped as she kissed the tip, gently licking up the bit of pre-cum.

“They talk like that to make themselves feel better,” she smiled, kissing down his shaft as he trembled. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“Mmmmm…oh…Maker…okay,” he quivered, her lips wrapping around him.

Oral sex was the first thing she’d experienced in the Circle Tower and she knew that it would get him to stop talking and start acting. She slid her mouth further down his length, looking up as his face twisted with pleasure, his fists balled against his stomach. Her first blow job had been awkward, with too much teeth and barely able to see a thing. She’d nearly retched when the fellow apprentice had pulled her head closer, making her gag, but Alistair seemed content to let her do what she wanted. She took him just before the point of gagging, moving her lips back to his tip and tasting more pre-cum. “Do you like that?” She asked, sliding his pants further down his legs.

“Mmmm…yes…very much,” he moaned as she swallowed him again.

“Is this…I…would sometimes see the other wardens…with their heads down there…”

“This is an easy first step,” she smiled, nuzzling and kissing his tip, amused at how leaky he was and hungrily licking up the salty fluid. “Some people just like doing this…”

“I can…uhmmmm…see why,” he whimpered, his knees bowing slightly.

“Why don’t you slip your boots off and lay down…so I can keep going…?”

“Yeah…yeah, okay,” he leaned down to pull them off, Temene climbing onto the far side of the bed and sitting on her hip.

He left his pants and boots in a pile and pulled back the covers, climbing into bed like he was going to sleep. She pulled the blanket down past his waist, leaning down to kiss his tip again and take him in her mouth. Her hair fell across her face and she reached to brush it aside before Alistair did. She held his hand in place, instructing him to hold it for her. It only took a few minutes of her mouth to get him panting, the hand not holding her hair tightly clenching the sheet under him. She stopped before his breaths got too sharp, knowing that he’d finished soon after if she didn’t. “Did you want me to keep doing this?” She asked, his cock wobbling desperately to erupt. “Or would you like to try something else?”

“Is there…something I can do…to make you feel good? Or do you…like…licking the lamp post?”

“It turns me on…but I don’t receive a lot of pleasure myself from it,” she shifted her hips, her cunt now throbbing for stimulation. “We can try the actual deed now…that…feels good for both of us.”

“Okay,” he nodded, holding in his breath again.

She shifted onto her knees, climbing on top and straddling him just below his cock. She’d only had penetrative sex on her back, hidden away in a pile of laundry or the floor of an empty room. But she wanted to control the movement and speed for the moment, her first time quick, awkward, and unsatisfying. “Take a deep breath,” she put her hand on his chest, letting out a slow one herself.

“Yeah…okay…I am ready for this,” he nodded, taking in a bunch of shallow breaths before a deep one.

She raised her hips, shifting them forward a little as she gently grasped his cock. There was a healthy dribble of pre-cum streaming down his cock and she slicked it down his shaft. He let out a quiet moan, both his hands now clenched to the sheet. She used his tip to spread her labia apart, biting deeply into her lip at finally getting to feel something. She let out a soft whine as she let her hips sink him just past her entrance, watching him tense with every inch she took in. “Ohhhh…Maker!” He gasped, his eyes closed tightly.

“Alistair,” she whined again, his cock barely fitting in her tight canal. “Look at me…breathe!”

She rocked her hips slowly as he opened his eyes, his breath escaping in another gasp. “Temene,” he whispered, reaching up for the hands she pressed lightly against his chest. “I’ve never felt…uhhhhhnnnn…you feel so good.”

“You feel good too,” she whispered back, her knees shaking a bit as she leaned down to kiss him and he pressed against her g-spot.

She gently rolled her hips, circling him inside her as they both moaned into each other’s mouths. She finally sat up again, moving her hips a little faster and gripping his hands tightly. “Ohhh…yes…fuck…Alistair…” she started to pant, her stamina still quite low from her life as a mage. “Do you…ahhhhhh…want to get on top and try it?” She asked, bucking her hips faster and edging them both towards climax.

“Yeah…yes,” he huffed, squeezing her hands tightly.

She slowed her thrusts gradually, leaning down to give him another kiss, before climbing off him. She lay beside him as he began to shift, sitting up, and kneeling between her legs. “How do I…? I don’t want to crush you,” he wondered, looking her over. “Maker…you are so beautiful…”

“Hold most of your weight on your arms…but you can lay on me a bit…”

He nodded, leaning over her and settling between her legs. He let out a long, but excited breath, shifting his weight onto his arms. He grunted softly, trying to thrust but just bumping his cock against her vulva. “Here,” she reached down, taking a gentle grip on his cock again. “You have to…uhnnnn…guide it in a little,” she sighed, closing her eyes as he eased into her.

“Oh…” he groaned, attempting his thrust again. “This feels a little different…but…Maker…” he smiled, his face close hers.

“Mmmmm,” she hissed, biting her lip. “I like it in this position,” she breathed hot across his lips. “I can…ummmhhh…feel your hips against mine.”

“You feel so good,” he huffed quietly, his thrusts beginning to quicken. “Is it alright for you?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, pulling his face down for a kiss. “Perfect.”

Her encounters in the Circle Tower had always felt like a race to the finish, sometimes not even able to achieve that if a Templar came by. This was intimate and there was no rush to finish, aside from the hunger in their loins to achieve that ultimate end. “Can I go faster?” He asked, his breath growing sharper, looking deeply in her eyes.

“Please,” she nodded, letting her hips find a rhythm with his, the slapping of their bodies growing louder. She wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, holding him closer so she could feel him against her clit. “Yes…Alistair…don’t stop…please!” She cried out, feeling the peak before her climax hit. She gripped tightly to his biceps, feeling them flex with each thrust. She squeezed hard around him as she felt the release, making him groan loudly as he erupted with her.

“Temene…oh…fuck…Temene!” He whimpered, his face buried in her hair.

“Oh!” She let out a long, relieved breath. “Wow!”

He laughed between breaths, his hips still slowly rocking against hers. “I was going to say ‘wow’ too,” he raised his head up to look at her. “That was…incredible. All the times I thought about you when I…ohhhh…they can’t compare…”

“You’ve thought about me when you’ve jerked off?” She asked, her pale cheeks beautifully rosy.

“Just…a few times,” he grinned sheepishly. “Definitely not nearly every night since we’ve met.”

“Alistair!” She teased, pinching his backside. “You little Mabari, you!…every night?” She bit her lip seductively.

“And sometimes in the morning,” he blushed, gently rolling to her side. “I found this jug of oil once and…Nevermind,” he decided not to recount that desperate desire.

“That first night, after my Joining,” she rolled on her side to face him. “You were so handsome…I wanted you to kiss me so badly.”

“I wish I had,” he nuzzled against her, giving her a soft kiss. “I could’ve defeated the entire horde if I had.”

[crossdressingdeath]

I just realized: Alistair dumping the leadership responsibilities onto you also makes Wynne annoying or even more annoying depending on how you play. Like she is all over you preaching about "responsibility" and "you are a Grey Warden, you have a duty" and bla bla bla. Meanwhile Alistair is over there literally shirking HIS duty for no other reason than "I don't wanna."

Why is Morrigan the only one to question this shit!?

The thing that really bothers me is that Wynne acts like Alistair's kindly old granny. Like, she's darning his clothes and fussing over his injuries and generally acting like your typical grandmother and it's all just sooooooo sweet... and then she's constantly getting on the Warden's case for not being the perfect darkspawn-killing Blight-ending machine to the point of lecturing them about duty over things like having (at the time) casual sex? Even though Alistair actively refuses to take on the responsibilities of a Warden, Wynne doesn't get on his case about it! In fact, having gone through her banters with him, if you romance Alistair she encourages it on his end... while telling the Warden to back off because duty and responsibility. ...Which, thinking about it, what was she going to do if she successfully hyped Alistair up over the relationship and successfully talked the Warden into breaking it off...? Odd choice there. But yeah, Wynne seems to forget that Alistair is also a Warden and so should also be responsible for ending the Blight. Whatever his reasons may have been for not taking charge, Alistair has very firmly refused the responsibility that should be his, and instead of lecturing him the way she does the Warden (who, reminder, is taking on their own share of responsibility in ending the Blight and picking up all of Alistair's slack) Wynne babies him! It's such a blatant double standard!

And I mean, Bioware could've gone somewhere interesting with that by suggesting that Wynne's so much nicer and more forgiving to Alistair than she is to the Warden because Alistair's a former Templar and she has the usual Circle trauma that's making her want to suck up to him to avoid trouble in a way she doesn't feel the need to suck up to the Warden. But they didn't do that (in fact when he asks she insists he doesn't make her uncomfortable in any way and that Templars are necessary), so we're just left with the sense that Wynne's being incredibly unfair and blatantly playing favourites!

[faux-fires]

(Not-a) Drabble-a-day #5

let us hold a memorial service for the 200 word a day limit because i clearly do not know her. rip my ability to keep things concise at the moment i’m taking anything under 1k as a victory

(h)anders not-a-drabble day #5, prompt, “Naked”, some (relatively) non-explicit sexy times herein

The night had been going great, but it was what happened after they fucked that throws Anders for a loop.

His experience has taught him that fucking is the climax (so to speak) of the evening, followed by a hasty separation lest you get caught. Even in the Pearl he got bounced out after finishing, Madame needing the bed for someone else.

But Hawke wants to cuddle, and Anders, unsure how it works, submits to it with a white-eyed tension that almost undoes all the good work getting his back blown out did an hour before. He's handsy. He keeps kissing Anders, on the face sure but also on the throat and chest and arms; his beard is whisper-soft. And he won't stop petting Anders, stroking his hand along the curve of his shoulder, sweeping his thumb over his ribs, fingers seeking out knots of scar tissue and tracing them with a calm acceptance Anders has no idea what to do with.

Anders knows he can be... intense. He doesn't know how not to be; the emotions are too big for him to keep inside. But he has absolutely no idea what to do with the quiet contentment on Hawke's face, the satisfaction he sees there. Perhaps it's a sex thing? Carefully he offers, "I should be ready for another round in about fifteen minutes," and when Hawke's eyes widen, adds, "Grey Warden, remember?"

"Maker's furry arse crack," Hawke breathes, his reverent tone making his blasphemous words something of a mixed message. "It's like you stepped right out of the Fade," and Anders must have misheard, because he's not - that's not - that cannot be him.

He's mean. He's paranoid. He's crazy. He's angry. He lives in a fucking sewer. He literally almost killed a helpless child not even twelve hours ago, and he feels himself flinch, but before he can open his mouth and say any of this Hawke's eyes go soft and he says, "Stay with me, love."

Anders swallows. "Where else would I go?"

Hawke shrugs. "I don't know," he says, and he rolls on top of Anders, then, in a fluid motion - Anders is aware he's flushing, his skin singing with the ghosts of before, which is ridiculous because Anders once sucked off a senior enchanter under a dining table ten minutes before curfew. He once got fingered by Neria Surana in a laundry closet right in front of a Tranquil, whose only comment was to ask him not to come on the clean towels. He once took himself in hand in the baths of the apprentice dorm with a templar wandering up and down the tubs, and came while making direct eye contact. He cannot be blushing, now, here, because Hawke is lying naked atop him, looking at him with affection.

How humiliating it is, to be brought down not by the amazing sex or the flowery words exchanged leading up to the moment, but by the aftermath - for the gentle touch of Hawke's calloused palms against his hips, the whiskery press of his beard to Anders's throat as he kisses his way along Anders' jawline. He's had so much sex, and none of it ever felt like this - the vulnerability not just of being still abed after the act but in being loved. His breathing is too quick and he's blinking too fast and Hawke doesn't seem to mind, not even slightly, and is instead treating him like something fragile: something to be treasured.

Once Anders got caught in the infirmary after hours with two other apprentices and a well-polished wooden wand, and paraded back to the dorm by Gregoir himself, not allowed time to dress: and he still felt more clothed then than he does now, when Hawke kisses him so sweetly and says, "Would you like that sandwich now, or after?"

Maker's furry arse crack, indeed.

[bitchesofostwick]

13, 21, and 26 for Emilia? :O

ty jordan! :)

13. their thoughts on the grey warden order? at least going into the events of DAO, emilia doesn't really think much of the wardens. she's educated and knows about them of course, but she's also just 18, and because there hasn't been a significant darkspawn threat in her lifetime (yet lol), they exist in her mind as a more obscure body than anything else. that obviously changes a lot once highever falls and she becomes a warden herself. at that point, her feelings toward the order are mixed--she feels angry at the lack of choice she and some others have in becoming wardens, but she also feels some responsibility for stopping the blight due to the deep sense of duty to her country instilled in her by her parents. as time goes on, and even after becoming queen, she grows more into her role in the wardens and comes to have a lot of respect for and duty to the order.

21. what is their biggest regret? not being able to save her family when howe attacked highever. :') which fucking sucks because as we as players know, there's absolutely nothing an 18 year old could've done to prevent that from happening. her parents, sister-in-law, and nephew's deaths were not her fault at all. but that doesn't mean she doesn't feel responsible still! the whole thing definitely fucks her up a bit permanently, to the point where she never returns to highever again because of the guilt and grief she carries. (she stays in touch with fergus, but he'll visit her in denerim, not the other way around.)

26. do they get a happy ending? i feel like i'm taking the easy way out of this, but it may really depend on what bioware ends up doing with the HoF, if they ever decide. i don't have a decided ending for emilia yet. as far as i've thought, she's traveling across thedas during inquisition to search for a cure to the blight. i haven't gotten further than that yet. i don't want to say that my plans for her will necessarily be in line with canon, but they will be informed by canon, if that makes sense. i certainly want her and alistair (and fletcher the mabari) to live happily ever after. but i don't know for sure yet.

canon DA worldstate asks // ask box